Current Events

Although there is another in-depth animal story about "M" that I'd love to share with you (and I will... I promise!), I feel compelled to write about something else entirely in this particular entry.  It's a topic that people who have cared for and loved dementia sufferers can all relate to.  Current Events.

 

To sum it up, during my many experiences with "M", there has been absolutely no awareness on her part of current events.  I've often found this to be a very comforting thing.  Her family had not been TV watchers, even back in the 1950's and 1960's when "M"s two children were growing up, and the medium was blasting off into places unknown.  During my visits, the only television sets in hers and her daughter's homes were the now outdated and quite bulky wood-encased ones used to watch a DVD or VHS tape on.  (Yes!  There are plenty of people who still watch VHS tapes... Including me!).  There was no cable connection, nor was there access to local channels.  It was like being in a bubble, separated from the chaos of the "outside world."  In hindsight, I'd have to say that it was a wonderful relief from reality.

 

There were occasions when I would spent up to five nights and six days in "M"s company, and other than phone calls with my teenage son (who would just as well have been playing on his X-Box or some other electronic gadget rather than talking with his Mom), there was basically no contact with others from our species.  Most of our time was taken up either with conversation over tea or a meal, or by viewing an historical movie or "Made for TV" Mini-Series, a very exciting concept in television during the 1970's and 1980's.   (Yes!  There are plenty of people who still watch "Made for TV" Mini-Series on VHS tapes... Including me!). 

 

In between, there were walks in the woods, always a preferred activity.  Sometimes, however, the cold and icy winter months made it impossible to venture safely outside.  Those were the days of "Lonesome Dove," the four-part, "Made for TV" Mini-Series based on the Larry McCurtry novel of the same name.  "M" and I would watch it over and over again, never growing tired of its stark yet strikingly realistic depiction of life in the 19th Century "Old West."  Sorry.  My intention is not to promote "Lonesome Dove," although if you've never seen it (or read the book) you are truly missing out on a classic slice of "Made for TV" history and true Americana. 

 

Our entire world changed last November, however, when "M" moved to Florida for the winter months.  Her new home, very modern and fully equipped with all the latest technology (most of which baffled us!), included a brand new, ultra-thin, wide-screened television set with the ability to perform in "high definition."  Not only that, but it was hooked up to cable!  For some reason, however, we decided together to avoid that side of the living room at first.  There were just too many other beautiful things to discover in our new surroundings.

 

I had the pleasure, and I mean true pleasure, of spending the holiday season alone with "M" in this beautiful Gulf-Coast setting, and there were plenty of activities to occupy ourselves with in lieu of  watching the TV set.  Like the park directly across the street from "M"s home, where, if we didn't feel like driving to our favorite shell coves, we could always sit on a sunny bench and make the acquaintance of other "snow birders" who were also wintering in the Sunshine State.  Meeting such folks, in and of itself, was a fascinating endeavor that could easily take up an entire morning or afternoon.  To be fair, it also deserves a separate blog entry of its own when the time is right!

 

There was only one time during my five-week stay with "M" that I felt compelled to turn on the TV set.  In fact, it was the only time during my almost three years of working with "M" that I accessed the news via cable.  It was the second week of December, and after receiving a disturbing text message from a friend of mine who lives in the Northeast, where "M" and I were both from, I tuned into a well-known world and national news station.   I was horrified by what I heard, as was every other living soul who learned of the event that changed our country that very sad late Autumn day. 

 

Much to my surprise, "M" asked if she could sit and view the broadcast with me.  I told her it was a live news update of a terrible event that was transpiring near both our home towns.  Up to this point in our relationship, "M" and I had never even broached the subject of current events.  Not that she wasn't interested.  It's just that her dementia damaged mind was typically held captive in an earlier historical time period, usually the 1940's, when the world was at war and a truly bad man was trying to create a "master race" at the expense of millions of innocent lives.  Somehow, even to spite that horrible chapter in world history, the world still seemed safer and simpler than it does now.

 

I helped "M" sit down in a chair in front of the TV set, and got her eyeglasses for her.  Generally, she only needed these for distance, such as when we were outside, watching prehistoric-looking pelicans gracefully glide overhead, or when we were admiring the glorious flora that distinguishes the Gulf Coast from anywhere else.  With the glasses, I knew she would be able to see the TV screen more clearly, and what was happening had caught her keen interest.  She cupped her chin with her hands, elbows firmly on her knees, which was the position she took when fascinated by something she was seeing.

 

"Who is that man?" she asked me, pointing at the television set.  "That's Barack Obama, the President of the United States," I informed her, thereby giving some perspective as to our current time and place in history.   Based on our last conversation about world events, "M" still believed that Harry S. Truman was the president!   

 

I already knew about the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut from my friend's text, but was not emotionally prepared for the details that began to unfold as President Obama initially addressed the nation.  It wasn't the nature and magnitude of the event that first struck me.  Nor was it the knowledge that our country would never be the same again.  It was the genuine emotion displayed by the President, his voice choked up, a tear running down his face.  Easily visible on a wide-screened, high definition television set. 

 

"He is a very distinguished man," "M" observed after listening to him speak for a while.  I thought about how many presidential addresses "M" had been alive for, going back to President Warren Harding, who made his first speech to the nation on radio in June of 1922, a month after "M" was born.   And how many presidents had she actually heard, sitting around the radio with her family.   From Coolidge to Hoover to Roosevelt to Truman to Eisenhower to Kennedy to Johnson to Nixon to Ford to Carter to Reagan to Bush, Sr. to Clinton to Bush, Jr. to Obama.  Perhaps she had even watched some of them on the family's bulky, wood-encased television set?  Or maybe they preferred the radio even after TV became the norm? 

 

None of that mattered now.  What did matter was that Both "M" and I were moved to tears by what was happening at the moment, events so sorrowful that they allowed the current President to openly show his grief to the world.  Current events.  Happening in real time.  This wasn't a fictional depiction of how hard life was back in the Old West.  Nor was it a story re-told seventy-five years later about how difficult it was to get by during the Great Depression.  This was reality.  A reflection of what our world was like today, hear and now. 

 

I watched "M"s expressive and wrinkled face carefully as she watched the President speak about the number of innocent young victims who had so suddenly, and savagely, lost their lives... and their futures.   Ninety years of current events had registered on that distinguished countenance, from the repeal of Prohibition to the Great Depression to atomic bombs to men landing on the moon to endless conflict in the Middle East to a terror attack that caused two of the world's largest buildings to crumble before the eyes of everyone on the planet, thanks to the marvel of live television. 

 

In all the time I'd spent with "M" thus far, I'd never seen such a sorrowful expression on her face as the one she was wearing right now, and over 90 years I am certain that she had seen her share of sorrowful occurrences.  "M" and I were watching real, live current events unfold right before our eyes, only two weeks before the Christmas Holiday, and the images were as painful as any I'd ever seen before... or hope not to see again.

 

We watched the news report for a little while longer, but after the President was done with his address, "M" asked me to turn the TV set off.  We did not speak about what we had witnessed.  In fact, we never turned the television on again during the entire length of my visit.  Not even to watch classic holiday tales about the existence of Santa Claus or a Reindeer who could fly.  There was no need to.  We both had our dose of current events, and subsequently withdrew to another place and time.  Of course, "M"s retreat was caused by her disease, which robbed her of the ability to stay in the present.  My decision, on the other hand, was quite conscious.  A deliberate choice to focus on the simplicity and wonder that made up many of "M"s memories, rather than the harsh reality of the present day.

 

There were, of course, some dark places in there, too.  Everyone has them.  And during the course of our relationship, I would come to find out bits and pieces of what painful events from the past haunted "M"s mind.  But right now, in the present moment, we were able to shift our focus to the positive aspects of life, such as joyfully humming the tunes of favorite holiday carols playing on an old transistor radio. 

 

The victims of the Newtown tragedy, along with so many other lives that are lost every single day for seemingly no reason at all, would never get the chance to experience such joy again.

As I "Fa La La La La'd" along with "M", I realized how just how lucky I was to share this time with her.  If I have the genes and constitution to live to ninety, I truly hope that these are the memories I will be reflecting upon.