Anyone who is a Caregiver, or who has
known people who care for others as their primary vocation, will
understand what I am about to emphasize.
It is soooooooo important for the Caregiver to take some time off to care for their own well-being (in professional terms, this is called a "respite").
I've heard, seen, and been personally advised about this concept many times over my many years as a Caregiver, and yet it has been quite a challenge to actually accomplish this seemingly simple task.
Taking care of myself. How the heck do I do that?
That's like telling me to take a trip to the moon! Or to climb Mount Everest! Or sail across the sea in a tiny boat!
It sounds absolutely impossible to do!
At
first. After mulling it over for a while, however, and at the encouragement of a
number of people who perhaps care about my well being more than I do, I finally decided that
this Traveling Caregiver needed to take some time off to
travel... and take care of herself.
After all, it has been a harsh winter, filled with some serious losses. Some time off would allow me time to recover and heal. How can I give of myself fully to another human being if I have not filled my own well?
It still wasn't an easy decision, let me tell you.
First of all, I did not want "V" to feel like I was abandoning her. I've been abandoned far too many times in a variety of situations, and it does NOT feel good!
Secondly, I really didn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't involved in something related to Caregiving. As any Caregiver knows, it gets under your skin and in your blood. Once you start doing it, it is difficult to stop. Perhaps a 12 Step program for Caregivers would be helpful - Caregivers Anonymous. I have some experience in this area, so I would be happy to champion it!
It finally dawned on me that I find my own peace, my own healing, in the sea. Well... not literally in the sea. I have a deep-rooted fear of drowning that goes back a long way. I am not a great swimmer. I like to be where my feet can touch the ground. Where I know I am safe and can return to shore at any given moment. Honestly, I swim like a frog. Head above water. Arms spreading out in opposite directions to propel me. Feet kicking just like an amphibian. It's rather funny to watch.
No... my peace comes from being near the water. Hearing the waves crashing on the shore. Smelling the distinct ocean scent in the air. Feeling the sea breeze on my face and in my hair (however tangled it gets). Seeing the whitecaps and a horizon filled with nothing but deep blue water. Tasting the salt on my tongue.
And so, I headed for the ocean. My place of peace. My sanctuary. The well that fills me up when I am running dry.
How healing it was. The beauty of the vast, mysterious ocean overtaking all of my senses and burrowing deep into the core of my very being.
Not surprisingly, "V" was with me every moment. Thoughts of her filled my mind as I looked out at the bright, blue waters... wondering what she was doing at the moment.
As it turns out, "V" was also thinking of me at every moment. Living vicariously through my travels. Upon my return, she and the daytime Caregiver promptly told me that they were imagining what I was doing every step of the way, just I had been thinking about what they were doing the entire time I was gone.
It was only six days, but it seemed like forever!
I was so happy and relieved to see "V" again, and share stories of my travels. More importantly, she was able to share stories of her many travels, which included exciting cruises with her circle of friends to exotic places. And, of course, Vegas. You can't forget those trips to Vegas!
Her eyes lit up as we sat over our first breakfast together after my return as she happily told me tales of her various journeys. Honestly, they sounded way more interesting than mine! Traveling with Virginia and her circle of friends sounded like an absolute blast! Now I was living vicariously through her! What a wonderful exchange!
All in all, it was good to take a little time off to regroup and regain my Caregiving frame of mind. Even during my time away, I wanted to assist every single elderly or disabled person that I encountered. Like I said, it just gets into your blood.
But I am happy to be back with "V". We have a lot of catching up to do. Movies I've missed. Upcoming (and very exciting) events occurring within her family (I'll fill you in on those in another blog entry... they are awesome!). Meal-time chats.
My well is full again... and I am ready to keep giving.
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