Happy Mother's Day - Flowers and an Arbor

I sincerely apologize for the gap between my last blog and this one.  I have seen "V" weekly since I last wrote, and certainly there were plenty of things I could have written about. 

Yet for some reason, I simply could not gather up the energy to share them with you.

Perhaps it was the car accident.  Although I have been able to get to "V"s house with another vehicle, something about totaling the little blue Honda Fit that "M" so loved really shook me up inside.  Plus,  a few weeks ago was "M"s birthday, and I have yet to honor it in any way.  I wanted to take a ride in a small plane, just to know how it feels like to soar through the clouds... and, just maybe, get a tiny taste of what "M" must have experienced every time she flew.   

Of course, I can still do that, regardless of what day it is!  The memory will still be the same.

A week after "M"s birthday was Mother's Day, and I can't recall ever having been filled with as much conflicting emotion as I have on this most recent occasion.  

Here in the United States, we commemorate the holiday every year, and it is usually a joyous event.  Even for those who have lost their Mothers, Grandmothers, Aunts, Sisters, anyone in their lives who felt like a Mother in some way, it is still a time to celebrate their loved one's spirit.

I was lucky enough to start of my Mother's Day this year in "V"s company.  And even though I may have been in a funk, she was far from it!

Earlier in the week, she had received an extremely large potted arrangements of colorful, outdoor flowers.  I was lucky enough to be at her house when they arrived, and we both just stared at them in shock as the poor delivery man stood at the door waiting for me to tell him where to put the quite heavy package. 

"The deck!" we both announced at the same time.  "Just put them on the deck!"

After giving the young man our sincerest "thank you's", "V" and I agreed upon putting the potted plants in a place where she could see them during each and every meal from her dining room chair.  

At first, however, we disagreed.

"They always go over in the front corner," "V" told me pointing to an area of the porch where she was unable to see them from inside the house, but visitors walking up the ramp to the front door would undoubtedly spot them right away.  

I understood her desire to have the flowers viewed by guests.  They were, and still are, absolutely gorgeous!  But since the flowers were from "V"s oldest son who was not able to visit her this Mother's Day, I figured "V" would like to look at them as much as she could, and suggested a spot that was visible from eating area.  That way, at least three times a day, she could spend a few hours seeing their beauty.

I understood "V"s statement a little better when she told me quite clearly that she would rather see her son than the flowers.  Wow!  Her viewpoint became painfully clear to me, especially coming from a ninety-six year old with a son in his seventies! 

I only have one son, and he is sixteen.  I knew I would be seeing him later in the day, because he had spent the weekend with my Mother and Sister, and I planned to pick him up from their home later in the afternoon, thereby seeing all of my family in one shot!

I thought about how I would feel if I could not see him for some reason.  What if he was in California with his Dad?  Or suppose my accident had been more serious, and I wasn't able to see him because I was... I shudder at the possibilities...

Ultimately, after discussing our feelings about being unable to see certain loved ones on significant holidays, "V" allowed me to move the pot (and let me tell you, I could really empathize with the delivery boy now - that pot was HEAVY!!!).  I placed it front and center on the deck, where "V" and any guest who sat in her lovely, bright (even on a cloudy day) dining room could see the beautiful arrangement.

We had been doing that a lot lately, "V" and I.  Discussing our feelings about certain things that were bothering us.  Kind of like group therapy for two.  She knew about my Dad's loss, as I had been away from her for a week prior to his passing.  And "M"s.  And the little blue Honda Fit.  And I knew about the many losses she had experienced during her long life-time, including her husband, three brothers and a sister, a list of close friends longer than I could possibly imagine...

Yes.  "V" had endured her share of losses.

And yet here she was, very much looking forward to going out to dinner with her younger son and his wife, along with her best friend and her family.   Instead of talking about those people who weren't in her life at the moment, "V" conversation celebrated the people who were!  

In fact, just the day before, her granddaughter had stopped by unexpectedly with two of her great-grandsons to wish their Grandma a happy Mother's Day and drop off a hanging plant (which was MUCH easier to place than the pot!).  I had never met the granddaughter or the boys before, but I saw their photos and heard about their activities every week.  "V"s granddaughter and the boys were exactly as I pictured them!  More importantly, they were very happy to see their Grandma, excitedly telling them of their recent academic and sporting achievements, among other things.  I got the sense that they were an integral part of her life, even when she didn't see them, and it was a wonderful feeling indeed.  I wondered how many people in our lives that we see more often did not have play such an integral role.  Note to self!!!  Appreciate those who are around you at the present time much, much, MUCH, MUCH more!!!

I was happy for "V" on this beautiful Mother's Day.  The weather was finally warm, the flowers at last in bloom following a horribly cold winter, and the birds, along with all the other animals who had survived the arctic chill, were happily finding food.  In fact, one of "V"s other companions had already hung up her hummingbird feeder, and the little winged creatures were joyously alive and well!  By the way, the feeder was a BIG consideration in deciding where to put the GIANT pot of plants from "V"s oldest son.  She did NOT want to distract the hummingbirds from their feast with the colorful array of perennials, so I took care to place it far enough away so that they could concentrate more clearly on their sugar water.  Gotta love those hummingbirds!

I wasn't with "V" when she went out to dinner with her younger son, his wife, and her friend's family, but I was able to participate in the conversation about what she intended to wear.  

Recently, "V" had ordered three new pairs of pants and three new blouses from a catalog that she receives regularly.  Although the items were all plain if designs and decorations, they were absolutely NOT plain in color.  Lavender ("V"s favorite), peach, and a bright green that would have those hummingbirds ditching their food dish for sure in favor of "V"s outfit.  

At the time I left "V"s house, the plan, not surprisingly, was to wear her favorite color, the lavender.  However, the next time I saw "V", I learned that she had gone with the peach outfit instead.  Good for her, reaching out and embracing change!  I needed to start doing more of that in MY life!

I also learned (and witnessed in the form of a variety of leftovers squeezed into the fridge) that dinner had been fabulous, topped off by a face-time chat with not only her oldest son, but also "V"s youngest great-grandson, a ten-month old who resided in Canada.  Not only that, but "V"s grandson was arranging a trip for the beautiful baby to come see his cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, and Great-Grandma "V" within the next few months.  I don't care WHAT is on my schedule that day, I must be there when "V" meets the baby in person.  From the number of times I've seen them "talk" to each other on the I-Pad, I am quite certain that there will definitely be some recognition already established,  Could "V" even have imagined such a thing eight decades ago?  

Later that same day, I drove down to my old home town, where my Mother resides with my Sister and her two children.   That's where my son was, having spent the weekend with his Grandmother, Aunt and Cousins.   

Funny thing, my Mother said the same thing about seeing my son as "V" did about seeing hers.  It was a much better gift to see him in person.  I would imagine that many Mothers everywhere feel exactly the same way.

In fact, my son had done something very special for his Grandma that weekend.  He, along with his cousins, had helped put together an Arbor for my Mother, and the three did a wonderful job!  My Mom had purchased the Arbor with the intention of it being placed at the top of the old cement steps that led from our lower yard to the upper yard, right where she could see it from her kitchen window.  Just like "V" could see her flowers from her dining room table.  And not so ironically, where I could now watch my own flowers bloom through the window above my laptop, where I am writing this blog entry at this very moment. 

I guess sometimes it's alright to alter traditions, like how you spend a certain holiday, and who you spend it with, but to nevertheless try and keep the tradition as firmly rooted as possible.

Just like the flowers that, no matter how wearying the Winter, always manage to pop their beautiful heads through the soil every single Spring.

Somehow, even in what may seem the bleakest of circumstances, life triumphantly prevails.

Be It Ever So Humble... My Own Backyard